Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Ooooooooki… i’ve been soooo boring over the past few weeks… anyone visiting my little space would’ve noticed how i’ve been writing about weddings (weddings?! of all the…) and salt (like dude, seriously, what was that all about…)and even the odd rat under my bed…which has prompted me to do a little introspection…and introspect i have.

I now realize what’s the root cause behind my overwhelming desire to ditch the blog and start a rock band called “Smelly Undies”… it’s  college. That inverse utopia that makes me want to cry. It’s not that the horse was dead and and was still flogged, it’s more like the horse was flogged to death and a suicide note saying “I’m sorry, I chose this for myself” was taped to it.

**************************************************************

ps: what if the donkey sued for inhumane…oh yeah..the donkey chose this…interesting..

Advertisements

To-ho-tally random non-prose

Posted: December 9, 2008 in random
Tags: ,

Don’t you wish you could use the bathroom

Just when you’re stuck in a traffic jam 

or when you’re in a meeting

or in the middle of your first cat fight

or about to go in but get an important call

 

or perhaps when you’re afraid to lose your place in a queue

or at a friend’s wedding when she’s about to say she does

writing a test; or just failing it because you can’t use the bathroom?

 

******************************

Quick  Edit:

Oh my God!!!!I wrote this (ahem) poem fully inspired by my own need to use the bathroom at a very inappropriate time. And then somebody posted it on their own site…I haven’t yet figured out if they did it as if it was their own thing but there’s no credits so I’m feeling very up-in-arms right now… you can see it here.

My perfect birthday!!

Posted: November 21, 2008 in my life
Tags: , ,

I’ve got a set of tests beginning tomorrow so I thought I should let you all know that I’m very busy this week. Very Busy. Hear that? All those who think I’m basically a lazy, fat thing that sleeps it’s way through college…hear that??! 

Anyway I’ve just discovered a nice happy thing that’s rising like a nice little happy bubble in my heart. Anyone who has known me since I was in 7th grade will know what a huge Harry Potter fan I am…and not the movies, the books…I luuuuurv the books, I only like the movies…and no, my mental picture of Harry is not Daniel Radcliffe ( yay for discovering HP much before the movies were even planned!!!)

Okieeeeeeeee so back to that happy fact inside my heart…I was just re-reading the 7th book to, you know, refresh my memory of all the delicious details… and then I was just reading this interesting part about how harry is at his parents’ graves and he’s reading their tombstones… and I, as usual, skipped that part cos I never really read dates n stuff properly (courtsy boring history text books in school) and then suddenly my eyes do a double take…

whoa!!!! you know what?? I share my bday with harry potter’s dad!!!!

I luuurv my bday suddenly… imagine, J.K. Rowling actually sat there chewing her pen, staring at her blank sheet poised after the words “James Potter” and she’s thinking what dates to write and then she has to go and write my birth date!!!!! I luuuuurv my bday…

Anyway I really must get back to studying ( sometimes, I feel like I’ve forgotten the art of studying…)

…the books beckon…toodle doo

Of the stinky poor

Posted: November 15, 2008 in my life
Tags: ,

I’ve got this sick taste in my mouth… all bitter and yuck!!! Food tastes so bad and the worst part is i’m hungry.famished.starving.

And why am i stinking?! I hate being bed-ridden… it’s like i’m dying. I am also getting very whiny which is why i have decided to talk about my other favourite topic :  My forever-empty wallet. 

Is it something about being in college? because i’m not getting it. I have taken to maintaining a low-profile (woohoo page 3 me!), giving up on favorite cookies (chocolate chip variety…mmmmmm) and singing “I saw mommy kiss Santa under the christams tree” in the shower. It helps. Trust me.

The poverty stricken me has also thought of other measures to cut down on expenses. I promise myself i will not window shop at all the bakeries on the way home. I also don’t look bus conductors in the eye anymore. And my broken shoes. Well, they’re still broken. 

Btw, keping myself real busy has always worked. The other day, somebody asked me if I could help them design a poster for blah event. I did it and it was fab and people were raving about it forever after that. So, now when somebody gives me the raised-eyebrow “what do you do, beta?”, I say “I design posters”. Way Impressive.

but posters don’t pay the bills dah-ling… I feel BPL…

So for those of you interested in helping keep my financial boat afloat (boat afloat? nice. has a ring to it, no?) need only hear my own rendition of “i saw mommy kiss Santa under the christmas tree”. Yes Yes, very moving.

I sniff…

Posted: November 12, 2008 in my life
Tags: ,

Hey all! I’m down with fever and so wasn’t able to update in quite a while… sniff, sniff! I really have mixed feelings about falling ill… I mean on the one hand, you get this weird gummy taste in your mouth and everything, i mean everything tastes bad…this coming from a foodie…

And on the other hand, you have all the fussing and the pampering… i really shouldn’t get used to this!!!

Oh and btw, i’m on cloud nine!!! Remeber the university fest thing i told you about??! I won first place in the dramatics section!!!! Actually, it’s the team…but what the hell, I love the feeling!!! Can you believe it!!! We won to the entire university!!! woohoo!!!

Btw, the temperature is really hitting record levels…. my brain hurts…ughhhh… you know what, since i don’t really have the energy to write anymore…why don’t you all just go read this very interesting post from somebody famous’ blog on how she’s feeling ill too

Until next time, cheers!

 

Congratulations!!!!!
Congratulations!!!!!

 

It seems like quite a relief, that after so many long hard months of freaking out over what Sarah Palin’s daughter’s boyfriend said and how many houses Barrack Obama went trick-or-treating with his daughter this Halloween, we finally have America’s Next President…tadaa! Congratulations Obama!

Now, the whole thing made me wonder what I would say at my acceptance speech… you know, if I ever actually got a green card…and then, suddenly developed strong red or blue tendencies… and then, got nominated or whatever…and then won… you know, should be easy to imagine…Well, if all that happened, here is the list of people I would thank and acknowledge:

My Acceptance Speech

Hello America!! (Big Booming Voice)

First of all, I would like to thank this great country with deep gratitude and a total feeling of humbleness. This humbleness, that has settled itself so deep, deep inside, so fully, that we talk, sometimes, me and Humbleness, on issues like why it’s important to mention his name at an event like today’s. We really share a special something, me and him.

I would also like to thank all of you, without whose support and pocket money, none of this would have happened.

Thanks are also due to Mr. Other-Nominee for being so helpful. I really remember that last time you were being helpful, when you accidentally let out that once upon a time you were a hippie who used to party wildly in India with no clothes on. Thank you. Those pictures in the papers really made my day.

And my family… oh, my sweet family… Mom, Dad and Rum… for deciding to not abandon me after all, despite me being a really ugly baby. And also to my teacher from middle school, for saving me from school-exiledom by not telling anybody that I would secretly dig my nose as an extra-curricular activity.

I would also like to thank a really special somebody who embarked with me on this long, long journey and who supported me through all those dark and lonely days along the way. Somebody who always loved me even on my bad hair days. Somebody who supported me through some of my worst mood swings and encouraged me to look at the positive side of grainy pictures of a hippie partying in India with no clothes on. Thanks to my best friend of 6 yrs 2 months and 4 days…the love of my life…America’s next First Dog…Mr. Muffin Cake. I will always love you. Promise.

(Mr. Muffin Cake’s eyes glisten with unshed tears.)

Today by making this choice millions of Americans have made the decision to bring change… change that we believe in… change that we sorely need, as the long lines of people fumbling for it, in their little bags and pockets, at countless department stores across America will stand testimony to. (Loud Drum roll. Applause)

Thank you. God Bless America. God bless you all… and most importantly, God bless me.

(Standing Ovation. Mr. Muffin Cake cries.)

Of Indian men

Posted: November 3, 2008 in random
Tags: , ,

In line with my new resolve to write about whatever i like because nobody is bothered about commenting, I have decided to invest a whole post to this very interesting concept of Indian men.

I would first like to draw your attention to a very interesting fact. Has anybody noticed how, in India, the ugliest of men always end up getting the most gorgeous wives? Always always… are these guys lucky or what?

Very interesting phenomenon… it’s true… you don’t even have to look hard, it’s staring you in the face all the time… More often than not your next door aunty is pretty decent looking as compared to the huband she’s stuck with. What do we blame this imbalance on? Is it that our women are just out-of-this-world-ly beautiful… not particularly…more like our men are just way way ugly…or worse…un groomed

What is it about men,particularly Indian men, that makes them want to be…umm how do I put it kindly… gross? 

Let’s look at the average Indian male closely.

Hairy chest is in…as is hair forming cute tufts inside the ears but little shocks of hair straight out of your nostrils really is the fad these days. And girls are crazy about that thing indian men do… where they combine dull grey pants with duller brown formal shirts or ooooh wait better… combine yellow pants with lime green t-shrits….

Men here take infinite pleasure in growing their nails about a foot long and applying the most hideous shade of orange nail polish. Sausage like fingers bound by some 5 or 6 thick gold rings is so heart-breakingly cute. And yes, hair dripping with coconut oil is a huge thing with girls these days… why else are all the guys adopting the look?

And yes, yes, me and you both agree, scratching armpits and other unmentionable places is actually a reflex and there’s nothing anybody can do about it. Ofcourse,you also can’t control the urge to use the roadside as your own portable toilet… absolutely understandable.

Oh!oh! look, mommy…. I like that one.. can we give him a good wash and get him ready for me??!

can’t hardly wait…